21 Things She Wishes He Knew - Something especially for the guys!

Of course you don't understand women. Sometimes they can't even explain themselves. But often their secrets are universal, like these 21 things she wishes you knew.

By Laura Milne, "Men's Health"

1. Please listen to me. Not because what I'm about to say will rock your world, but because listening is a sign of respect that rocks my world.


2. Women speak a different dialect than men. For example, "I'm fine" means "I'm so not fine," just as "No dessert for me" means "I'll be polishing off yours."


3. Remember, PMS stands for "physical and mental stress." So let me cry freely, behave irrationally, and eat your dessert. My mood swings are hormonal, not personal.


4. Manicures and pedicures are a woman's gift to her man. I love looking pretty for you. The time to worry is when I stop going for them.


5. Always tell me when I look hot; never tell me when I don't. And don't forget: I need 20 compliments to offset one thoughtless remark.


6. I remember the shirt you were wearing when you first said, "I love you." The fact that you don't makes me question whether you meant it.


7. I loved you long before I told you. Playing the long game is in a woman's DNA. We don't throw a Hail Mary in the first quarter. (And you thought we didn't know football.)


8. Of course you're the best lover I've ever had. All others cease to exist when I fall in love.


9. I'll never tell you my true number. Never, never, never! Besides, see #8.


10. I read your horoscope every day.


11. I secretly delight when the maitre d' slips up and calls us "Mr. and Mrs."


12. Yes, my girlfriend knows what we did last night. We share everything, including that.


13. Make me laugh and I'm happy. Laugh at yourself and I'm all yours.


14. A little jealousy is good if (a) no kneecaps are broken and (b) you don't cross-examine me to exhaustion. The right balance shows you care, and it's even flattering.


15. I don't withhold sex to punish you. Sometimes I just need to be left alone but, at the same time, not left alone. And no, I can't explain that.


16. You are irresistible: freshly showered, doing something sporty or strenuous, smiling, charming the old lady from the third floor, suited, reading the business section, DIY-ing ...


17. "Do you want flowers?" kills the romantic gesture. Don't ask, just do.


18. I'll probably be late — because I'm preening for you. At least that's how I reason. My reasoning skills are phenomenal!


19. If you cheat, I may not break up with you. But you'll wish I had.


20. I once kissed a girl and liked the taste of her cherry ChapStick. No, I didn't. That's your fantasy. Sincerely sorry.


21. I feel lucky to have you, and I hope you feel the same. You can't have it all unless you have someone to share it with.

Winter in my Heart

11:31pm, 8/1/2010

Its winter in and out

But my heart is colder than anything else

Whiter than snow, colder than ice

Broken in a million pieces

Waiting for the best medicine

No more colours fill my world

Not even black or white

Everywhere I look, is just darkness

Am I blind. I don’t think so

But I bet it’s better than losing you

I like bella cause we’re in the same shoes

but there’s one one thing that differentiates us both

she has her Edward, even if he’s a vampire

I don’t envy their love for each other

The real question that’s in my mind is that

What happened to my Edward?

Over time, I developed a fear

Fear of having to sleep alone

It’s not new to me, I’ve been having it a long time

But this time, it’s just cause of a different reason

A reason that explains a lot

Which makes having nothing is better than not having you

In my life

xoxo,

otakubassist

Journal Entry - 19/1/2010

Another day greets you. You reply with uninterested boredom. Things that didn't mattered much stayed unchanged. You're still alone, stuck with the people you hate most in the world. But outside of that, you've bumped into a close friend. You tell him what you're going through. He tells you the same things everybody tells you. That he's been through it, you'll get through this, you'll move on eventually, you'll be all right. Etcetera, etcetera. The same lies. The same unpromising promises. The same so-called 'words of comfort'. You got tired of all this a long time ago. You shut it all out eons ago, believing none. Regardless, there's an exception to everyone. You say that all of those are hardly trustable. Yet, you will accept them if people tell you that he's gonna come back to you soon or 'be strong, patience will be rewarded'. Right now, you want to hear things that you want to hear. It's childish and immature and naive and selfish, but it's better than the thought of giving him up. Your friend tells you that if you move on, think of it as respecting him. It's not that you don't respect him or you don't want to respect him but why not go for a compromise? Unfortunately, your idea of compromise is that he comes back to you and love you forever. That sounds more like an order. Why must God make it so hard for you? Or should it be Allah? You can give anything away just to be with him but why isn't it happening? You even though of not getting back together with him, like setting a bird free from its cage. If that's the case, you would rather end your life. You prayed that He will give you an incurable disease which will eat you up at an alarming speed. You prayed that you'll get killed in a car accident. You prayed to Him, asking Him to give your life to one of the victims in Haiti. At least you're bringing someone back to life. Probably someone who wants to live or someone who would do great things if they were alive. Anything. Absolutely anything. But you only hope in vain. You'll have to go through this hell all the way, not knowing whether you survive or win and get the prize you'd trade anything for.

When you tell people that you're broken, you didn't mean it metaphorically. You take the literal meaning of that word seriously. You're torn, sitting on a fence between everything. You wanna give up but you wanna hold on. You wanna kill yourself but you want to live because of hope. You separated between everything. Not only that, you feel like you've never regretted so many things in your life before. It all started when you guys broke up. Even the choice of breaking up was a regret.Your first true regret. Since then, all your decisions and choices go haywire. You regret not messaging him. You regret not leaving the house when your mom was kicking you out. You regret not shouting at your parents with reasons and emotions. You regret crying when you're on the phone with him. So many regrets within such a short time. You're not only broken, but on your way to self-destruction.

You're going to university, something most people would die for. Now, you can't do anything. You don't wanna walk away because it's education. He won't take you in too because he wants you to have an education first. Also, cause you're only 19. Even if he welcomes you, maybe his parents won't. He won't take you in when he's heard that your parents threw you out of the house. You can't argue with him. He's caring and thoughtful and with a conscience. You wonder why the hell your parents reject him. Besides the fact that you're in love with him unconditionally and irrevocably, he's a good person, a devout follower, a filial son, a loving brother, a trustworthy friend and the best boyfriend anyone can have, let alone if he's your husband. How long can you keep up with this, you wonder. As long as you can take, of course. But your memory doesn't allow that. You're only human. You're living with fear. You're afraid that one day, you won't remember how beautiful he looks like or how nice he smells like or how warm and comfortable his hugs were. Things he gave you, they serve a purpose. To remind you of the good times with him, that you were his and he was yours. With a mother like yours, who needs enemies? She threw away every single thing he gave you. Bracelets, necklaces, letters, movie tickets, clothes. That's not all. She was professional and smart, unfortunately. She went threw all your stuff. Your phone, your messages, your email, your Facebook, your laptop. She deleted all the pictures, videos, poems, well, everything about him. How can you live with all that? It's not your fault that you want her dead so badly.

xoxo,

otakubassist

Journal Entry - 18/1/2010

You wake up in the morning and you think that you're already better than the day before. Now that's a real lie. Your condition never give way to improvement. What you feel is merely an illusion of "wanting to be okay". You met a friend who support what you're doing but when you tell him that you have been crying at night, he takes a detour immediately. You expected him to continue to support you but your hopes were crushed, as if like you're not crushed enough. Your friend tells you that the guy you're desperate for is not someone who's worthy of your tears. What does he expect? You love him more than a mother can love her baby. Anger and disappointment blows to you like you've been splashed with acid, except at this point, you'd rather be burnt by acid. His response caught you off guard. Your tongue is too shocked to say words of defense. In your mind, you're screaming "Don't say that about him! He's worthy of everything!" But later, you find yourself thinking whether your friend is telling you the right thing. The agony you're feeling makes you feel weak and the advice supports the idea of giving up and moving on. Sadly, there's nothing you can do. You're absolutely lost even though everybody's giving you advices. You want to give up but you can feel that there's still hope and faith in you. Your sixth sense keeps telling you that the time when he will come back to you is just around the corner. When the though of moving on crosses the subconscious part of your brain, you break down immediately, unable to control your facade. Yet, you want to be strong and hold on. Hold on just cause the annoying reminder in your heart and mind keeps on telling you to do that with a reason you can't object to, that he's gonna come back. How many times have you been through this? Surprisingly, you're not tired of it. In fact, you want more. It cures you temporarily, your own personal addictive medicine. You're so broken that you'd grab every moment of assurance and contentment you can get. Like a glimpse of the stairway to heaven.

xoxo,

otakubassist

Journal Entry - 17/1/2010

It's just how weird love can change things. Things as simple as your favourite song. When you're with him, when he belongs to you and when he loves you. At that time, your favourite song would be 'Everything' by Michael Buble or 'When You're Mad' by Ne-Yo. Maybe cause you feel you can totally relate to the lyrics of the songs. You feel that the song is so beautiful and accurate, about your love life. But what happens when you guys broke up? The whole world flips, of course that only applies if you're unwilling to let him go. You start to listen to songs like 'I Honestly Love You' by Olivia Newton John or 'Take My Hand' by Simple Plan. You wonder what happened, what went wrong. As time passes, your emotions are all jumbled up like someone had them put into a blender. One minute you're feeling sad, then comes angry, maybe a little disappointed somewhere in the middle and probably finally desperate and helpless. You really want him back, badly. You cry every night, it's worse than the day you guys broke up. Then the loyalty is stronger than ever. You either want to be with him or you'd rather kill yourself. Slowly, you become further and further away from sanity. You start to talk to yourself. You start to imagine that he's right beside you. You even talk to him. Does it help? Depends how long you've got it going on. If you're at the beginning, you'll still lucky. You believe yourself when you convince yourself that he's beside you, that his heart is still in your hands. Unfortunately as time progresses, the faith gets weaker. It's normal but painful. You only have him by memory. You're living with a mental projector or a imaginary hologram. Memories fade, so does faith. The absence of his touch and his voice and solid refreshments drives you to the edge of death.

xoxo,

otakubassist